Supporting Your Strong-Willed Child’s Emotions

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Do you have strong-willed child emotions running rampant in your home? The thought is often enough to make any mother cringe.

I don’t know how your family is, but my boy is fantastic at displaying his wide array of intense emotions in what may often seem to be the most lawless way possible.

  • Fear
  • Nervousness
  • Anger
  • Love

In my home, I have a dramatic little girl and an autistic boy. We have our hands full when it comes to extreme emotions and the craziness that comes with it.

Children feel. Many adults expect them to suppress their feelings and act like adults, but the fact of the matter is children feel just as much emotion as adults do.. the difference: adults have more experience controlling those emotions.

Sometimes our children can’t adequately convey how they feel, but that doesn’t mean they don’t feel. Strong-willed children often lash their emotions out at you, even when they’re positive. There is no anger stronger than the one these children show.

There is also no love stronger than these children give to their families. They:

  • laugh intensely.
  • love vigorously.
  • anger dramatically.

The common denominator: they feel to the extreme.

With our journey down the “natural health rabbit hole,” I was pleasantly surprised to find a solution that didn't include medicating the personality out of my children that also didn't come packed with a list of side effects to watch out for.

Food Additives Can Increase Aggression and Anger in Children

For example, I found a few food additives that increase aggression and anger that we now know to stay away from:

  • dextrin
  • dextrose
  • maltodextrin
  • maltodextrose
  • high fructose corn syrup
  • corn starch
  • modified starch
  • artificial food coloring
  • xanthan gum
  • guar gum
  • sorbitol
  • xylitol
  • msg

We also accidentally found out about how essential oils can actually help tame raging moods, which felt like a total God-send. Combining oils with a healthier diet created a home environment I actually enjoy being in.

  • less arguing
  • more love
  • more appreciation
  • less acting out
  • more enjoyable family dinners

At first, I thought essential oils would just become another chore I'd give up on, but trying out some quality oils has definitely proven to be worth the money spent and the space they take up in the cabinet!

Emotional Management with Essential Oils

The brain’s limbic region is tied to the body’s emotional and hormonal centers. Emotions and hormones go together hand in hand. But your diet and supplementation also play a huge factor in that too. Many different foods and supplements alter the way our body secretes hormones, which in turn affect how we feel and what mood we experience.

Many essential oils support your body in its natural abilities to regulate hormones, which goes a long way to balancing your emotions. Balancing hormones and emotions is especially important for special needs children (especially those like my son who are on the spectrum) because when those emotions flare-up, the kids become emotionally exhausted, which can lead to anger, frustration, and outbursts.

You can use these oils separately or blended.

If you choose to apply them to your child’s skin, please make sure to dilute with a carrier oil (any seed-based oil, like coconut, sweet almond, jojoba… etc). I suggest diluting 1 drop per tsp (5ml) for kids under 3. 3 drops per tsp (5ml) for kids 3-10. 1 drop per ml (5 drops per tsp) for anyone older than 10.

  • Basil Essential Oil has an invigorating aroma that can help reduce emotional and mental instabilities, allowing them more ability to re-enter and focus, perfect for a child post outburst.
  • Bergamot Essential Oil is a citrus essential oil that has a relaxing effect that counteracts anger, frustrations, and various emotional tribulations present when tantrums strike.
  • Clary Sage Essential Oil is highly relaxing, counteract nervousness, panic attacks, and mood swings.
  • Geranium essential oil relaxes the adrenal cortex, the prime mediator of stress response; combating negative emotions caused by stressful stimuli. Geranium oil is also believed to have a warming effect in the child’s heart.
  • Lavender essential oil is relaxing and emotionally balancing. It addresses negative and overwhelming emotions and mood fluctuations, which are often a result from experiencing difficulty in communication.
  • Lemon essential oil ignites the Heart Chakra, the energy point that manifests feelings of love and acceptance.
  • Peppermint essential oil has an enlivening effect that is beneficial for a child who is in the state of emotional exhaustion and helplessness. Peppermint essential oil helps to harmonize the Solar Plexus Chakra, the energy point that is physically located around the navel, enhancing self-esteem and willpower.
  • Rosemary essential oil stimulates the adrenal cortex, uplifting those who are suffering nervous and emotional exhaustion. Rosemary works by balancing the Heart Chakra, promoting natural energy “Qi” to flow in the blood.
Its our job as parents to teach our children how to manage their emotions. Little things become big things, and its easy for little minds and bodies to become overwhelmed through it all. Help support your child's emotions naturally with these tips and tricks.

DIY essential oil blends

There are tons of options for DIY oil blends that can help with just about anything you need, emotionally. It's incredible to put a few oils together and watch in real-time how effective they are. These are our favorites. Unfortunately, everybody is different. What works for us may work for you, or you may need something else. There is a lot of trial and error when it comes to finding what works best with your individual body, so don’t be disheartened.

The Peaceful Child DIY Essential Oil Blend to help calm your strong-willed child

This one is great for helping your little one calm those overwhelming moments. To make this blend, grab an empty/clean 15ml oil bottle (we re-use our leftover 15ml bottles for DIY blends to help save money and reduce waste), add 85 drops of vetiver, 30 drops of lavender, 30 drops of ylang ylang, 20 drops of frankincense, 15 drops of clary sage, and 10 drops of marjoram essential oils. Then fill the rest of the bottle with your choice of carrier oil (any seed-based oil, like fractionated coconut oil, sweet almond oil, grapeseed oil, jojoba oil, or avocado oil) to just under the bottom of the bottle's neck. Then add the dropper insert or top with a roller top and you’re ready to go. Use as needed when your child looks like he or she is becoming overwhelmed.

A carrier oil can be any cold-pressed, seed-based oil (ideally organic and unrefined). This includes most cooking oil, like coconut oil, avocado oil, and olive oil. Personally, we LOVE using sweet almond oil, grapeseed oil, and the V6 Carrier oil (made by Young Living). This is the best way to dilute your essential oils for topical use.

Its our job as parents to teach our children how to manage their emotions. Little things become big things, and its easy for little minds and bodies to become overwhelmed through it all. Help support your child's emotions naturally with these tips and tricks. Use this Peaceful Child DIY essential oil blend to help calm your child.

The Chill Pill DIY essential oil blend to calm your strong-willed child

The “Chill Pill” essential oil blend we use contains 10 drops of lavender, 7 drops of Young Living’s Valor essential oil blend, 6 drops of Young Living’s Stress Away essential oil blend, 3 drops patchouli, and 3 drops of vetiver essential oils. You may have seen similar recipes on websites like Pinterest with the oils in much larger concentrations. We wet it down quite a bit because this blend is designed for children, who do require further dilution than adults do for safety reasons. This is my ultimate “go-to” blend for both my son and myself during his most stressful moments.

Its our job as parents to teach our children how to manage their emotions. Little things become big things, and its easy for little minds and bodies to become overwhelmed through it all. Help support your child's emotions naturally with these tips and tricks. Use this chill pill DIY essential oil blend to help calm your child

Pre-mixed essential oil blends… without the DIY… to help clam your strong-willed child

Not everyone wants to DIY all the time. Me? Sometimes I’m blessed with a few minutes to put something together. Other times, not so much. More often than not, when I am blessed with a few minutes, I don't have the mental capacity to continue with the DIY. While I loved the blends we made that were previously listed… I do appreciate having pre-mixed blends that I don't have to think as much to use.

I like to keep these blends from Young Living on hand. They are just as effective and only need to be diluted with a carrier oil (like the ones mentioned earlier), saving my frazzled “mommy brain” from needing to worry about counting oil drops or worrying about where my last empty oil bottle went.

SARA Essential Oil Blend to help calm children

SARA is a pre-made proprietary essential oil blend by Young Living. It comes pre-diluted, though we still recommend further diluting it, especially with kids. It contains geranium, ylang ylang, rose, blue tansy, lavender, orange, cedarwood, blue cypress, jasmine, grapefruit, tangerine, lemon, ocotea, and white lotus essential oils.  This oil was specifically blended to help people through extremely difficult emotional moments.

Valor Essential Oil Blend to help clam children

Valor is a pre-made proprietary essential oil blend by Young Living. It contains black spruce, rosewood, blue tansy, and frankincense. Valor brings about a sense of courage and confidence while it relaxes and supports your mind. It’s perfect for your child to use when feeling insecure, especially right before any major events (like an exam or appointment).

Peace and Calming Essential Oil Blend to help calm children

Peace and Calming is a pre-made proprietary essential oil blend by Young Living. P&C contains tangerine, orange, ylang ylang, patchouli, and blue tansy essential oils. This is my go-to to calm my son down for bed. It does just what its name implies: it provides you with a sense of calming peace.

Grounding Essential Oil Blend to help calm children

Grounding is a pre-made proprietary essential oil blend by Young Living. It contains white fir, spruce, ylang ylang, pine, cedarwood, angelica, and juniper essential oils. It produces a feeling of clarity and emotional balance, which enables your child to have an easier time coping with the emotions he or she is feeling.

Stress Away Essential Oil Blend to help calm children

Stress Away is a pre-made proprietary essential oil blend by Young Living. This blend contains lime, cedarwood, ocotea, and lavender essential oils and is infused in vanilla extract. It does just what it says: melts away stress. We always have this on hand, probably more so for me, but it's helpful with my son too.

If you feel you or your child has been bottling up emotions, please check out the book called Releasing Emotional Patterns with Essential Oils. This book is specific to Young Living essential oil blends but is absolutely fantastic with helping you understand how emotions are stored in the body, how the stored emotions can affect us physically throughout our lives, and how specifically to release those emotions so you can live happier and healthier.

Personally, with knowing how much synthetic chemicals can affect my ASD son, I don’t take any chances. It’s no surprise that synthetic chemicals, artificial coloring additives, and artificial fragrances can and do spike poor behavior among additional issues with breathing issues, digestive issues, skin issues… etc.

We choose to use essential oils from Young Living because of their genuine farm-to-table approach to essential oils coupled with their solid dedication to their Seed to Seal Guarantee. Having tried other brands of essential oils, I can honestly say these work better and faster… while using less than we needed with other brands.

I cannot explain how much these oils have helped us out with soothing intense emotions and strongly recommend them to all families. You'll be amazed at how much life can change and how enjoyable your family time can be without all the craziness that comes with out-of-control emotions!

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PS – We want to help you on your journey to living a better quality of life. If you're ready to begin your essential oil journey and relieve some stress in the process, please head over to our Membership page to learn more about how essential oils can enhance your life and how to get started.

About Our Guest Author: Amber

Amber is a disabled Navy veteran and mom to two beautiful children… a girl and an autistic boy. She loves the outdoors and is happiest when spending time in nature. she loves her children, but often feels overwhelmed by the struggles that come from being a military family, especially when her husband deploys. Amber loves helping other moms as she is able to, and hopes this post inspires you to become the best version of yourself and help support your children as naturally as possible.